Coming out of the dark

I know I have neglected this blog for some time now. My posts have been infrequent at best. I have been in a bit of a slump attitude-wise & was really having a hard time coming up with things that I wanted to write about because I was having such a negative attitude. Every time I did start writing something to post it turned into a negative rant, and that is not really me & not the way I want this blog to be.

I think everything really came to a head this last Monday. I had my follow-up doctor visit to see in general how things are going with my muscle problems. I had completed a sleep study a couple weeks prior that they had already called & given me the results of. Well…. Things are usually not what they seem. The reason for the sleep study was to see if I was getting enough quality sleep to rule out sleep deprivation as the problem with my muscles. They also wanted to check me for sleep apnea because it runs in my family.

My doctor brought up the sleep test. He said they reviewed it again & he believes I have a form of narcolepsy. They gave me a prescription for it & off I went. I went to the pharmacy to fill it, when I went back a few minutes later they said it would be $87.77!! Holy cow! I was not expecting that. I didn’t even have enough money to pay for it. (One of my other meds is $120 a month & I had just refilled it Sunday.) So I was a bit depressed. I had hoped to fill it & start taking it the next day hoping it would help me overcome my sleepiness.

The next morning I called the doctors office & asked if there was an alternative medicine that I could take so they called in another prescription. I picked it up after work; it was $45.07 for a month. (Mind you I have 2 insurance policies that offer prescription coverage and my co-pays for meds is still outrageous – at least I think it is!)

I honestly have to say that I started to notice results almost immediately when I started the new med. It was so nice to feel at least somewhat energetic & refreshed. The past few years I have been in a bit of a funk. I couldn’t get motivated to do anything. I would wake up in the mornings to the alarm clock & some days I would literally cry because I’d still be so tired – even though I probably just had 9 hours of sleep!! (That is not an exaggeration either!)

I’m so hopeful that this medicine will help me function. I hate taking another medication but am desperate to be able to be ME again!! I am normally a very happy person. One guy that I work with once asked me how I could be so happy all time (obviously this was before all my problems started late last summer). My answer to him was “I choose to be happy, why waste my energy being angry?”

That’s the person I was & the person I like. Not that I’ve ever hated myself. I was just having all kinds of negative feelings that I don’t typically have. And I was becoming very insecure & hiding my feelings in foods & sarcasm. Not cool.
So I’m pretty sure that I am on my way back to being the happy go-lucky lady I was before!