Tuesday, October 20, 2009

In case you were wondering about my decision.....

About a month ago I made this post about my "female" problems and the options I was presented. I decided to go with the hysterectomy. D-day is November 6th. By noon that that day I will no longer have a uterus.

I guess I actually made up my mind rather quickly. However it did take me a week or more to actually make the appointment. Having this done is a huge decision. It means there will definitely be no more children. However, the way things are right now there can be virtually no intimacy anyway. Right now I am having my monthly visitor for about 3 weeks out of the month - not usually a full week at a time, usually a few days then a day off and then it's back again. I have cramping almost constantly, whether I'm having the visitor or not.

I have been on multiple birth control pills to try to help with my problem and they have all worked, for a few months and then it returns. This has been an ongoing problem since I got my first period.....seriously. I have had 2 surgeries already for endometriosis. The first was in June of 1998, then I had April in 2002 (which was a miracle) and helped to slow it down for a while, then again in August 2006. When I was in to my see my ob/gyn last year she said we were running out of options and if my problems continued to progress we would need to talk about other options. So when I met with her in September I was somewhat prepared for the options.

There are a some things I am looking forward to with the hysterectomy:

1. No more pills to try to help make my endometriosis more tolerable.
2. No more buying pads! (Can't wear tampons because within minutes it feels as though someone is stabbing me in the abdomen.)
3. No need to worry about sporadic gushing of blood.
4. No more cramps/nauseousness/passing out!

I am still having moments that this decision makes me very sad and I'm sure I'll have them even after the hysterectomy. Like when April asked the other day why her friends and cousin have siblings and she doesn't. I tried to explain that sometimes parents can only have 1 child. But she tried to convince me that we could have another one no matter what. Honestly it took everything in me not to cry then. To know that she will never experience the closeness with someone like I have with my brothers. To know that there is someone you can call and tell anything to without being judged. To know that there is someone that will tell you like it is and you'll be okay with the way they say it because you know that they are only telling you because they love you and you don't get angry because because you know you love them anyway. That's what makes me sad. I know she'll have good friends, but it's not really truly the same as a sibling.


Janelle said...

I had to have a hysterectomy in February after 6 months of constant bleeding, and 3 trips to the ER for hemmorhaging. If you want to talk about it or ask anything, please contact me. I'll also refer you to a website that was a wealth of information and answers for me: hystersisters.com. Shoot me an email if you want: Lookfortherainbow at yahoo dot com

Heather said...

I'm glad you were able to reach a decision that feels right. I can't imagine how difficult this must be, but you seem to be at peace with it. I will pray for you, that everything goes smoothly.

Elizabeth said...

I am praying that everything goes smoothly for you! I added the date into my iPod so I remember to say an extra prayer for you on the 6th!! It was such a huge decision to make but it sounds like the right one. You'll feel so much better. HUGS!